A DARK NIGHT..........................

A road less traveled often becomes our path of reclusion. Our relationships might propel us, nevertheless only our soul can compel us for it to be relieved of body. Strangely the parallel virtues of life still beat the drum pet of their existence and at times complement each other. 

And I often find myself at a cross road, always weighing the quantum of losses I will have to suffer for choosing what I feel is apt for the moment. But why is that we end up losing what we never want to? Does our desires are more than what we deserve? Or simply we are throwing all the weight behind a wrong virtue of life?

It was 3 in the morning and as always I could not sleep. And just like any other night I find myself jostling from these thoughts. I pick up my "diary" and start pouring my heart just like any other night. 

 

"The dark corners are gleaming again, heart says its all in vain, 

You are destines to be alone, you are just made to cry and moan, 

The sorrows are subsiding though, the heart is not ready to bow, 

It still sees the pain around, wanders in the vacuum of shroud, 

I make a promise each day, to be as strong as a high tide on the bay, 

I promise a new surprise every day, some thoughts to withhold and some to say,

I will break the barriers with each passing day, dislodging my "walls" by making my own way

let my heart cry and moan, for I will bask in the glory though alone............"

It feels better when I express myself, when I pour my heart out. But still the devilish, nonchalant, non defiant and at times insolent me gets entangled again in those dark corners of my room at night...... I fight my own dilapidated self to search for my own real identity. The tryst with destiny continues every night and I end up being more confused for my own self. 

 

What am I doing in life? What am I suppose to do The questions beam in my head every night but nobody comes for rescue. And I just let one of the windows of my night stay to throw some fresh breathing space... Up on the hill I see a shimmering light of a lantern. The swinging winds being playful are threatening the existence of my star.......Somebody who is still shining right in front of me and for me... Can I overshadow the threat? Can I rekindle the hopes of being alive? Whom I really scared of? Questions keep pounding my head and I kept looking for answer through the night........

The nocturnal journey takes a sharp turn, and the astuteness of my dual self hits a wall. I cannot fight this wall. I cannot demolish it. It is right there in front of me, giving me a stare, telling me that you dare not mess with me. I am the one who will rule you always; I am the one who will dictate terms to you; You can't argue with me. The tantalizing revelation struck me every night yet I become victim of my own fallacies every time.....

 

 The soul wants to rest in peace, but it is draped in endless vows, there is a growing silence within and is getting intrigued with each passing night. Nobody is at rest, neither me nor my soul. The trajectory of day to night is an endless saga of astonishing experiences. Life makes a new high in every low it touches during the flight. The soul enjoys the dance but settles down in a deep slumber. It further witnesses a near to death experience and I experience life. I feel you almighty. And the silence grows magnanimously, forgiving the unrest. It covers me and my life.......

 

And it gets even more quieter at night... the heart beat matches the march with the ticking clock...but I still remain numb in my closet...waiting just waiting for the night to get over.... the day just gets rewind on its own and you realize another lonely day just passed away leaving deep scars... the scars which a loner can only feel and understand. Pinning hopes is a bad idea because even shadows don't accompany you in those dark lanes....   Surprisingly nobody is around when you need them most.... and "Life" continues its existence through a dark night once more.................