Life is a Challenge!!!!!!!

Life is a Challenge!!!!!!! 

 

I was born with a jigsaw puzzle in my lap,

A puzzle which never got solved rather it increased the gap,

The gap of understanding and execution,

The gap of permissible and violation,

Life continued to confuse me of its existence,

I think it was a challenge to test my persistence,

Things looked sometimes beyond control,

Yet there was a hope that my thoughts and action will play a bigger role,

Today I am standing at a place where I feel lonely,

Coz I have nobody to share my plights and to give me a feeling of security,

At times I am fragile and weak,

Yet there is a ray of hope down the street,

That ray is the only positive source around,

Keeping me alive and I am still fighting on the ground,

I hope someday I will emerge victorious,

No matter how tough the life will be, I WILL EMERGE VICTORIOUS!

Kj

My Last Dream.........

My Last Dream.......

It was a meeting of all sorts. They were meeting after a long gap and so were there emotions for each other. Both stared at each other for long, as if the world outside them has come to stand still and is witnessing this divine meet. The twinkling eyes and a generous smile was more than anything else one could have wish for and even these gestures were unanimous. The rekindled hopes again started breathing and their undying love for each other was taking it to the next level. Their reverberating hearts were adding rhythm to the otherwise serene and peaceful conversation. Each word from either side was letting the heart play a new beat. Gradually even their hearts started beating in tandem with each other, and together they were humming a sound. A sound of love, filled with emotions of passion and intensity to make an impact as if they are beating for the one last time. 

Both of them had put their sensory organs at rest, for they wanted their souls to talk free of any biases and prejudices their holders might possess. In just few minutes of meeting the spell bound souls were in a different world. A world so full of them, full of love they had for each other. The whole aura was beaming with their emotions for each other and amidst this soul to soul talk, their unrequited love was most happy. As the desire and need for pure love of both the souls were met in this divine meet.

They came closer and started looking more intensely at each other. Those pensive looks were making a killing inside. Nobody was uttering a single word, but in that deep silence every part of their body was talking. Their conversation even touched upon the facets which never came out so far in their association or to the world at large in general. Both of them felt lighter after sharing what they always wanted to but could not do it so far. Today even those gaps were met, even those long distances were covered and even those bridges were made which were never expected to come up so easily. That was the most glaring example of how powerful love is and how it can lead lovers to a beautiful place called heaven.

It was an experience of lifetime for both of them, as if they 'd just shrug off a huge backlog which was carried by them for ages. Today somebody with an insight of pious love took it off in few seconds only.  Both of them renewed each others licenses for happiness. Both of them were feeling the bliss of this conversation and were passionately contributing to it. None of them could not control the rumblings of their unrequited love and at first their lips met and they started exploring each other more adventurously. Both of them felt a Midas Touch as if both the souls reincarnated only for this divine meet. Both of them felt they have just lived a lifetime in those few moments of closeness rather oneness.

He played the song "As love is my witness" from Westlife:-

Once in a lifetime, you look in someone's eyes,
And it feels like the world stops turning at once, 
Well thats what it feels like for me, 
I knew right away this day would be standing together, 
Believing together is there in our reach, 
As love is my witness I swear......

I 'll be with you till the end, 
Nothing can tear this love apart, 
I'll put my hand upon my heart, 
This is the promise I make to you, 
Whatever comes we 'll see it through
Nothing can break it as the feeling is so strong, 
As love is my witness I swear................................

The music paced the passage of time a bit faster and both of them were dancing by now ,celebrating their oneness and their love. Since that was the only thing they could have offered to each other and they did it by offering Pure love.

The physical distances between them were no more, their love destroyed it with a bang and they started coming even closer still dancing but a bit slowly now. And eventually both of them were lying naked with each other, that was the last mile to be covered in this journey of pure passion. Though they were still exploring each other but there was a strong undercurrent flowing also. Both of them strongly felt complete deep inside. Yet there was a strong desire to be loved and make love and yes they made love forgetting the world outside, denying presence to any other entity between themselves.

Both of them made passionate love to each other that night and felt the celebration of life in those moments of joy,eternal bliss and most importantly about the feeling of oneness.  
Both of them were lying down next to each other in each others arms, tightly holding on to the moment which they never wanted to pass. They cried and were still crying holding onto each other and somebody tweaked the light switch in the room. He was not there and he was nowhere to be found. My eyes were still wet with tears as perhaps I was happy to have everything finally. Yeah the dream got over and my lifeless body was still lying there on the bed....

Kj






 

RANDOM THOUGHTS-I

The flight of hallucination is always interesting, and the one who brings reality closer to it travels ahead of time. Distance depends upon the altitude of illusion and velocity of reaching realism!!!!!!!!"

A journey into the intricacies of getting lost is not an unusual experience as it may sound…sometimes it is all about rediscovering yourself..and at times it becomes too risky endangering your being!!!!!"

Often the objectivity gets lost in the realms of our biases and we start hating every action and gesture of the person we hate! Evaluate and punish the act and not the actor!!!"

 

A numb mind with a pounding heart..and humble acceptance of the loss......some moments deserve to rewritten...guess its again one of the wishes only...reality is all about the former only"

At times we wait for the reciprocation, but a deep sense of love lies in sacrificing, extending the hand to all possible depths of heart.....feel it, live it and enjoy it"

We meet, we talk, we laugh, we love, we fight, we hate, we talk, ..............we separate... and we reunite..... all this while we try to take the charge just to realise that God has a different plan......."

At times we become slaves of our fears and doubts.....We tend to hide them from our outer world while they keep rocking our internal peace. The idea is to fight them head on......but fights are never won alone!!!!!!!!!!"

Beyond a point every thing neutralises, the gap between all opposites become non-existent. I use to wonder that only death can make this thing happen and equally surprised to realize that Life is equally powerful to do the same as well.."

Deep inside the heart there is locked room.........I have simply misplaced the key or i guess I was made to................."

A road less travelled, often becomes our path of reclusion. Our relationships might propel us, nevertheless only our soul can compel us for it to be relieved of body. Strangely the parallel virtues of life still beat the drum pet of their existence and at times compliment each other.

Maturity is such a tryst with realism while it continuously evolves and making us believe that we were not earlier...perhaps we are now

There are no material evidences to demonstrate the bond of friendship between two souls. It is definitely not contingent upon the pleasantries exchanged between them but it has everything to do with the purity of their efforts in proliferating the love between them further...Be pure.. Be Friends.. Rather please be only pure friends..

It is a tough time when you want something and you don't get it for some reasons... but the worst is when you allow your wants to become your needs...

Life is a different ball game sometimes, ego takes over your self respect, love takes over your ego and finally loneliness takes over even love..... You remain stranded there itself, stuck up badly in these different virtues of your life!!!!

Love is not an event, it’s a journey,
Its is not a milestone, rather it is the route,
Let your life follow love, and let happiness follow you......

Sometimes a taunting enemy is better than a silent friend. At least I feel that I am still alive!!!!

Words like Sorry and thank you lose their meanings when either the person is too close or too far!!!!!!

 Life always has a different methodology to deal with us; it starts thinking from the point where our imagination ends.

 Don’t act in such a manner that recitation of almighty’s name becomes a necessity than being an option.

 I randomly told you not to believe me, and you believed me by not believing me these days….

 Kj

An Old Friend.....

 An old friend....

I met a new friend earlier in the day

I dropped at his place as he was on my way

We were behaving as if we were meeting for the first time

And trying to guess what was there on each others mind

After the gentle hand shake I asked him “How are you”

With a  monosyllabic tone, he replied I am fine thank you

While this conversation was going on I was really amazed

The absence and presence of some emotions were visible on face

More than the presence the absence was disturbing

I soon realized that he is an old friend whom I was meeting

In no time I found the formality taking over the emotion

From a friend to a good friend to a stranger only I was witnessing my demotion

I told my heart not to worry, and mark the day

Actually I met an old friend with a new face today………….

Kj

My Mind and My Heart........

Messy fights between my mind and heart, disturbs my soul, 

I weep through the night and my emotions howl, 

I find it tough to balance out at times, yet I give life a generous smile, 

The audacious gestures of destiny and my commitment to stay agile, 

I often find myself at crossroads, and everything looks futile, 

Yet I collect the broken pieces, and try to make something worthwhile, 

Luck continues to confess to play on the evil side, and my soul plays the protagonist's role, 

Fights will always be messy between mind and heart, but it enriches my soul!!!!!!!

Kj

DEAR GOD!

Hey God! How are you? Hope you are doing fine there. Well God you are very well acquainted with the whims and fancies of this world and its cohabitants.  All of us often knock your door every now and then for anything we want. Sometimes you act like a debit card for all of us where in we keep spending the unlimited wishes bestowed on us and you keep crediting our respective accounts. Sometimes you are just like an excellent counselor listening to all our vows and confessions.  I wonder sometimes that how do you perform the humongous act of managing our wishes, feelings, secrets, anger, jealousy, greed, lust, needs, pains and lot of other things? I mean are you a super human being!!!! But how can you be, you don't take birth like us, you don't die like us, you have been always there since time immortal. 

You must be wondering by now that what exactly my agenda is. Why I am not filing my petition in your court just like my other fellow mates? Amidst a busy schedule, why I am wasting your precious time? You must be in utmost curiosity to know what exactly I am up to now. 

Well God! I am not seeking wealth from you because I strongly believe that my greed will outlive it and I wont be still satisfied. I am not seeking good health either, as you accorded me perfect health but I only ruined it and I will do it again. I am not asking for love either as I am blessed with loving parents who love me unconditionally; nobody has ever matched  their love for me. I am not wishing for a harmonious world as you allowed me to be part of this beautiful world, where everything is in perfect marriage and creating gigantic equilibrium called Life. No God! I am not even asking for more power as I feel strong enough to achieve my objectives in life. I don't even feel the need to ask for a friend because all this while you have never left me alone. 

Hey God! Don't baffle. I am coming to the "point".

I simply want to know you God. How do you act so perfectly? How come you are always in sync with life?If you are so perfect then how come your creations are so imperfect? Sometimes you deny granting wishes and needs of people on the earth, How do you do it God! ; Because I know the challenge in saying a no even when the other person needs it so badly. How do you maintain your calm when people like me get angry on you for various reasons? As I know it is very difficult to maintain the patience especially when the other person is displeased with your actions. Why biases does not affect your decision making power and to our astonishment you always turn out to be just and fair in the long run?, because I closely very well understand it is almost impossible to be just and fair when the person in question is a loved one. We always have grudges against you, and sometimes we carry our hatred towards you for the whole life but you still continue to shower your blessings on us without fail. How can you be so kind to us?

I always get perplexed thinking of these humane acts of yours and this act becomes even more significant considering the fact that God! You are always alone. 

Dear God! I want to share your own personal moments of joy, because I do understand the eagerness to share that special moment with a loved one only to make that person smile. I want to share your moments of pain because I have personally experienced that pain halves when it is shared and doubles when you are alone. It is said and strongly believed that each one of us is part of you only; you descend lot of souls everyday to our world. Don't you ever feel the pain of separation God!, as I have known that it takes a while to fulfill the gap and sometimes the wounds of separation haunt you for whole of the life!

Though people like me keep you busy the whole day but don't you feel lonely God! Please allow me to share your loneliness sometimes may be, because I know how traumatic and scary is the state of solitude. 

Let's meet sometime God!

Kamaljit

Monstrous Guest..........

Days and Nights have been following each other religiously since the time unknown. Nothing remains constant in this world. One phenomenon is followed by the other; it is just a matter of time.

I was engrossed with this simple yet intriguing thought and I was about to begin my journey through the night;  A journey taken every night. It was always my favorite time of the day. It allowed me to be purely myself. Today's night was also just another night for me and its exhibition was no different either. There was darkness all over and my belligerent self was taking over me the way it use to do every night. 

Amidst the pitch black darkness in my room, the moon was hanging like a night watchman in my balcony. It was shining to the core and desperately trying to dissuade the darkness. But even the moon failed to overcome the darkness in my heart as it was the source of calignosity in my life. I could see the swirling leaves and their audacious smiles; I was shocked because the winds could carry the joy of love to these leaves but failed and sometimes refused to carry my sorrows to my beloved. I closed the window as a protest against the ecosystem active at night. 

While I was still changing sides to catch some sleep, my heart's friendship with darkness was touching new highs each night. I had become a lifeless body without any sensibilities to feel, listen and express. This night was no different. As if all the daily rituals were being performed without any change. But something strange did happen that night; I had a visitor that night.

My guest had a magnanimous structure, with big wide eyes and teeth which can cut the strongest metal, he was no less than a monster. He was a scary person. He sat in one corner of the room and started staring at me. He was draped in a long black dress and was growing taller on my each stare I was returning him with my pounding heart. I strongly felt he will engulf me completely tonight and my being will cease to exist after this night. The sheen in his eyes was continuously making its impact on me as I was getting more and more scared of his presence. I was getting belittled in my own world. He was getting more and more intimidating each time the sand granule drops in the hour glass. The dead silence in the room was adding the degree of terror in me. 

Who was he? Why I am getting scared of him? Why he is not letting me sleep?

The muteness was only enjoyable while I use to sail through the night on my own. But with his presence, the daunting silence became to sharp edged two sided dagger. I was still looking for answers to these questions and my guest became clamorous. 

He started talking with me as if he wants to entice me for something unknown. But strangely I could regain my sensibilities while I started listening to him. I could connect to him immediately. 

His conversations were bringing out tears in my dry eyes. In each "break" he made me smile too. Though he engulfed me completely and I was immersed in him yet I was breathing properly. The night passed peacefully and I woke with a smile. 

He became a regular visitor to my nights. Our friendship grew closer, the bonhomie was growing stronger. The initial apprehensions were foregone long ago. I allowed him to sleep by my side every night. He allowed me reliving lot of forgotten moments and there was an eternal peace inside. 

Who was he? Once a monstrous guest; today had become my best friend. 

He was nobody else other than my past. I played peace with him; In order to live peacefully today and in the times to come. I buried all the hatchets and my past became my friend. I gave him enough space in my heart. Sometimes I let him bathe in my tears so that he can feel refreshed. and sometimes I fed him with my time so that he does not feel hungry due to lack of my attention. My past became inseparable part of my being as I just wanted to be at peace with him. 

"Talking to the past always lets you listen to your future and it only happens in present"

Kamaljit    

A DARK NIGHT..........................

A road less traveled often becomes our path of reclusion. Our relationships might propel us, nevertheless only our soul can compel us for it to be relieved of body. Strangely the parallel virtues of life still beat the drum pet of their existence and at times complement each other. 

And I often find myself at a cross road, always weighing the quantum of losses I will have to suffer for choosing what I feel is apt for the moment. But why is that we end up losing what we never want to? Does our desires are more than what we deserve? Or simply we are throwing all the weight behind a wrong virtue of life?

It was 3 in the morning and as always I could not sleep. And just like any other night I find myself jostling from these thoughts. I pick up my "diary" and start pouring my heart just like any other night. 

 

"The dark corners are gleaming again, heart says its all in vain, 

You are destines to be alone, you are just made to cry and moan, 

The sorrows are subsiding though, the heart is not ready to bow, 

It still sees the pain around, wanders in the vacuum of shroud, 

I make a promise each day, to be as strong as a high tide on the bay, 

I promise a new surprise every day, some thoughts to withhold and some to say,

I will break the barriers with each passing day, dislodging my "walls" by making my own way

let my heart cry and moan, for I will bask in the glory though alone............"

It feels better when I express myself, when I pour my heart out. But still the devilish, nonchalant, non defiant and at times insolent me gets entangled again in those dark corners of my room at night...... I fight my own dilapidated self to search for my own real identity. The tryst with destiny continues every night and I end up being more confused for my own self. 

 

What am I doing in life? What am I suppose to do The questions beam in my head every night but nobody comes for rescue. And I just let one of the windows of my night stay to throw some fresh breathing space... Up on the hill I see a shimmering light of a lantern. The swinging winds being playful are threatening the existence of my star.......Somebody who is still shining right in front of me and for me... Can I overshadow the threat? Can I rekindle the hopes of being alive? Whom I really scared of? Questions keep pounding my head and I kept looking for answer through the night........

The nocturnal journey takes a sharp turn, and the astuteness of my dual self hits a wall. I cannot fight this wall. I cannot demolish it. It is right there in front of me, giving me a stare, telling me that you dare not mess with me. I am the one who will rule you always; I am the one who will dictate terms to you; You can't argue with me. The tantalizing revelation struck me every night yet I become victim of my own fallacies every time.....

 

 The soul wants to rest in peace, but it is draped in endless vows, there is a growing silence within and is getting intrigued with each passing night. Nobody is at rest, neither me nor my soul. The trajectory of day to night is an endless saga of astonishing experiences. Life makes a new high in every low it touches during the flight. The soul enjoys the dance but settles down in a deep slumber. It further witnesses a near to death experience and I experience life. I feel you almighty. And the silence grows magnanimously, forgiving the unrest. It covers me and my life.......

 

And it gets even more quieter at night... the heart beat matches the march with the ticking clock...but I still remain numb in my closet...waiting just waiting for the night to get over.... the day just gets rewind on its own and you realize another lonely day just passed away leaving deep scars... the scars which a loner can only feel and understand. Pinning hopes is a bad idea because even shadows don't accompany you in those dark lanes....   Surprisingly nobody is around when you need them most.... and "Life" continues its existence through a dark night once more.................

When Love Symbolises Eternity............

Love Love Love......

One of the most talked about feeling in this world, one of the most discussed topics in our lives..

Do we only yearn for love in our life? Or simply love makes "it" easy?

These and many more similar thoughts were pounding in my head and I was still steering my life in this ocean of "Love"..........

Everybody falls in love... with somebody or the other at some point of time in life...it's in nobody's hand but  God's will!!!!

Some say if you fall in love, you can never rise....well more than a lot has been written, interpreted and discussed about love a word perhaps which is not understood by most of us. and as it is correctly said, if you can define love, you have never been in one before......

I could not find better words than of Rumi's to explain the phenomenon..

This is love: to fly towards a secret sky to cause a hundred veils to fall an each moment. First to let go of life. Finally to take a step without feet.

Awestruck by love, my eyes glued to one of the wonders of the world "TajMahal".. to me it appeared to be a god's painting. I could not take my eyes off for a long time. Its not that I am visiting it for the first time but still... a large number of thoughts then hit my always so webbed yet so vivacious mind... and I get a new meaning to this evocative structure every time. Even being a mausoleum, it never dwells upon the melancholy in me rather I feel more ecstatic being witness to this tallest structure epitomizing this beautiful feeling called 'Love'. Its truly a reflection of two deeply in love souls..the timelessness of TajMahal and much more.. We remember the art..we remember the heart... but we forget the hands which creates masterpieces...

At every age and stage of life.. TajMahal looks and feel different, as a child one gets mesmerized by its beauty, as a teenager you get charmed by the story behind and as an adult you get captivated by the love empowered perpetual and eternal. Each stage gives us a reason to learn, to yearn and a reason to get fascinated... propelling a thought that one life may not be enough to love or to be loved back. Lifetime falls short when its true and the person you love is with you. 

The Taj is considered to be an epitome of love, unlike of the almost all materialistic love existing today and I wonder, does love always happen for a reason today or there exists no love at all...for what we call all is infatuation, attraction, lust- all temporary emotions which will fade away with the passing time. May be the irony is that love only exists as a emotion in this ever growing emotionless world....

But I cannot swish away by saying that, as I am also very much part of this emotionless world. Why it happened at the first place then? Did the degree of love come down gradually over the last few centuries? Or we as a society or me as an individual growing mechanically only?

Perhaps the answer lies in the other aspects of life, guess the elements of lust and greed took over Love in a big way. Love was always there, Love is still there. The same pious feeling one can have for another soul. But our own untrue self propels the pains in our life, in our love relationships and in our journey of eternal joy.

Yet we dream, yet we love.. yet we make relationships some work while others turn enemies in the mind. I have often heard people in the failed relationships say that we will make better choices next time....I feel there are no better choices but only better way to deal with your choices next time.....

Glaring at Taj I felt... one of the most beautiful concept in life is that of 'soul-mates' and that's what it remains for most in today's world a concept... I laugh at myself sometimes...still to believe in the same...still wish to live life like a dream come true...TajMahal of course is not what I dream of, but true love of its kind is I believe everyone's eternal desire.....

Heart has its own wings.. no reason, no justification, no logic can ever control or restrict its flight and such is my heart...and sometimes I wish to be brain-driven person... life would have been uncomplicated then...search for eternal peace is longed by everyone...but does anyone achieves it by decoding all the inquisitive is a much larger question here.... the battles you fight out there in the world are no big deal but the one you fight often between your mind and heart are far more crucial... they are the ones you must fight well and win. 

 In the journey of life you love some ... you hate some....and few years down the line it does not even matters.. but the feelings remain and the memory remains.. as they are immortal... whether they bad or good but they remain constant in our lives....such is TajMahal.....symbolizing that some emotions exist in the world which are ever lasting....

A greatest quote I came across on Taj.....

You know Shahjahan, life and youth, wealth and glory, they all drift away in the current of time. You strove therefore to perpetuate only the sorrow of your heart?  Let the splendor of diamond, pearl and ruby vanish. Only let this one teardrop, this Tajmahal, glisten spotlessly bright on the cheek of time forever and ever.

 Shahjahan on Tajmahal, 

Should guilty seek asylum here,

Like one pardoned, he becomes free from sin.

Should a sinner make his way to this mansion

All his past sins are to be washed away.

The sight of this mansion creates sorrowing sighs;

And the sun and the moon shed tears from their eyes. 

 In this world this edifice has been made,

 To display thereby the creator's glory.

Love is an eternal bliss to be savored by all human beings, come let's get wet in the rain of love, let's dance on the tune of love, let's embrace the feeling of being a soul mate, let's leave the malaise of an impure heart, let the impure heart get purified in the love machine.... For love is the most sacred thing ever happened to us........

(An important has also contributed to this post significantly, but wishes to remain anonymous at this stage)